I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
