I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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