dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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