Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
