I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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