Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
id be glad to
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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