Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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