i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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