I want to walk on stilts...naked
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
