At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
