dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
