I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
