1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
