I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
