He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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