I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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