I showed him my bush... on skype.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
