Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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