Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
