I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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