1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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