I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
