like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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