Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
