I accidentally had phone sex last night
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
