Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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