a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
