yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I have fence marks all over my body
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
