I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
