so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
