She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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