Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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