I think my vagina is haunted
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
