Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
can u get pink eye on your cock?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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