I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
