She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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