I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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