I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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