were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
