tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
