she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
