I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
