CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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