Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
