hotel room ftw
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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