This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
