Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
