Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
