He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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