Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
