I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
