I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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