why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
