No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
