she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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