More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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